South of the Line


PS.  You will enjoy this attached email unless you are one of them “northerners”. 
PPS> This Page will take several minutes to Load but It Sure is worth it.
Johnny Cash is singing. Yea! 

PPPS> Yea I've added even more about Kentucky below thisin first part. (smile)


Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "have" them, you "PITCH" them.

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess." .. and we ain't given our secrets away to no Yankees.



Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."


Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in: "Going to town, be back directly." The Cornish also know this secret, but they 'ain't tellin' either.



Even Southern babies know that "gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.


All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.



 Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!



Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.


 Only a Southerner, both knows and understands the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. 


A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines. We don't do "queues," we do "lines"; and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!


Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.


Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.



When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!


Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of   it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.  



And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" and go your own way.


To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by our Southerness:

Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart! 



And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a Second Language!



And now fer the Kentucky part.

Things I've learned about Kentucky.....

Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5000 types of snakes, and 4998 live in Kentucky.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Kentucky, plus a couple that nobody has seen before.
Squirrels will eat anything.
Unknown critters love to dig holes under tomato plants.
Raccoons will test your crop of melons and let you know when they are ripe.
If it grows, it sticks; If it crawls, it bites.
A tractor is NOT an all-terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
Onced and Twiced are words.
It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.
Upanunder means underneath.
People actually grow and eat okra.
"Fixinto" is one word.
There ain't no such thing as "lunch." There's "dinner" and then there's "supper."
Sweet tea is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you're two.
"Backards and forwards" means, "I know everything about you."
"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.
You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.


You know you're from Kentucky if:..

1. You measure distance in minutes.
2. You've ever had to switch from heat to air conditioning in the same day.
3. You see a car running in a store parking lot with no one in it no matter what time of the year.
4. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.
5. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.
6. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
7. You carry jumper cables in your car... for your OWN car.
8. You know what "cow tipping" is.
9. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, hot sauce and catsup.
10. The local papers cover national and international news on one page and six pages for local gossip and sports.
11. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.
12. You find 90 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm."
13. You know all four seasons: almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas.
14. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "Goin' Wal-martin" or "Off to ' Wally World'."
15. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good Soup Bean weather.
16. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop...it's a Coke or a Pepsi, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda coke you want?"
17. Fried Catfish is the other white meat.
18. You know what lard is.
19. You understand these and forward them to your friends from KY. (and those who just wish they were).


And last but certainly not least, for those that are NOT born Southern specially Kentucky, but have lived here for a long, long time, all yawl need a sign to hang on your front porch that reads;
"I'm not originally from the South, but I got here as soon as I could."


Well Bless your Hearts. (smile)

You all come back now ya, Hear?





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Sung by:  Johnny Cash

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          Last update on  December 10, 2009